A Modern Once-ler

“You’re Glumping the pond where the Humming-Fish hummed!
No more can they hum, for their gills are all gummed.”

“Oh no!  OMG!  Mr. Lorax, I’m bummed!
I’m glad you have told me, for I do not wish
To cause the demise of these dear Humming-Fish.
So I’ll tweet a tweet from my satellite dish
To make sure my followers all are aware.
For, once they’re aware, I am sure they will care
And caring, aware, as a group we will dare
To start a petition, a fundraiser – sure,
A Kickstarter project, a race for the cure:
These sick fish are more than what I can endure!
And then, with the funding and grassroots support,
We’ll clean up the gills, and if that should fall short,
We’ll hire some experts, the scientist sort,
Who’ll work on a coating that we can apply
To Humming-Fish gills.  I am sure that will fly!
Those gills, they will auto-de-gloppetify!
Our problem is solved.  Boy, you gave me a fright!
I’ll buy an indulgence on eBay tonight,
If offers are there and the prices are right.
On Farmville I’ll plant a few truffula seeds
And tell all my friends they’re what everyone needs.
There.  Now can I get back to knitting my Thneeds?”

4 thoughts on “A Modern Once-ler

  1. SursumCorda

    If you’d posted this on Facebook, I could “Like” and get back to my Thneeds immediately. But you didn’t, so I’m taking a whole five minutes to comment.

    Come to think of it, those Thneeds will have to wait. I’m facing the need to clean a bathroom that has been part of a renovation project for months. Can you hurry up those scientists a bit? I’d really like a bathroom that can auto-de-gloppetify. (Love that word!)

    No, the bathroom’s not finished yet, but it’s in a waiting stage, and now the OTHER bathroom is having some messy work done on it. I insist on having at least one working toilet in the house, unreasonable woman that I am, so it’s time to scrape through the layers of plaster dust and who-knows-what. There must be a toilet in there somewhere….

  2. thduggie Post author

    Thanks, and good luck with the bathrooms! There are some auto-de-gloppetifying nano-coatings out there, but they rarely work quite as well as promised. But take heart, the scientists are at it.

    In honor of your comment, I believe I will post it on facebook.


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *